Hard Tuesday



Tough Tuesday.

I spoke this morning about brain and body.  It occurs to me tonight that my brain is a complicated aspect to this fight.  This brain of mine, and I more than suspect a feature we all share,  is complicated.  There is the piece which motivates and drives me to stay at the top of my game.  It is this aspect which so often puts company, customer and others before myself.  I hear people call this heart.  It’s a nice way to compartmentalized the brain, to give that aspect a life unto its own.  Then there is the piece that remembers stuff.  That feature of my brain has always been awesome.  William tells me I shine over him in leaps and bounds here.  I suppose acknowledging common sense is well … just common sense.  Of course, I can’t forget my simple brain, which really isn’t so simple, it quietly controls the physicality’s of my daily life.  And then lastly, my thinking brain.  That analytical piece that everyone relies on, and me especially to do my job.  I’m a project manager and process analyst, some people call the latter a business analyst.  I proudly feel a really good analyst and manager.

Enough of that.  I don’t have the energy to go off and do research to better explain the above.  Hopefully, my laymen description works well enough to make this point – simply put, chemotherapy is messing with it all.  Today was a tougher day then yesterday.  Heart, memory, common sense, simple brain, and thinking brain alike suffering tonight.  I take that back, my heart still is in the game.  The rest took a hit throughout the workday.  I’m exhausted.  Bedtime comes seriously early tonight.  I finish the day learning much about me and chemotherapy that I did not know or maybe didn’t want to know.  This heart of mine continues to worry about company, customer and others.  The rest of me didn’t do so well today.

Before I go, I learned another lesson today. I work diligently, compassionately, and sincerely to keep drama out of my life and work life.  That said, drama sure seems to have a mind of its own.  There are people in this world who apparently thrive on drama and fail to pause long enough to recognize their neighbor is deeply distressed and could use a break.  It is best I leave this story for a later date and I will share when the time is right.  Why mention it now?  I do so because people in general should know that any one who is ill deserves a break.  In particular people with cancer really need a break.  Doctors have told me that stress is one of the bigger triggers for cancer.  They have also said having confidence in your treatment and care regime goes a long way towards recovery.  And the final kicker is their counsel to take it easy and seek out peaceful and tranquil environments while changing much in your daily lifestyle. Chemotherapy is a bitch, a bastard, the devil in disguise – under any name it sucks.

Time to sleep. Time to for my brain to rest. Time for outside drama to go away.


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